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A platonic friendship doesn't have elements of sexual chemistry or attraction. In contrast, emotional sex is much more secretive and it drains energy from your primary relationship.
You may love your friend, but you don't fantasize or daydream about him or her. If you're having intimate talks and sharing things you should only be sharing with your primary partner, or you're sending late night 'just thinking of you' flirty texts, you're not having just an innocent friendship.
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If you find yourself having sexual or romantic fantasies about your friend, you've crossed the line into emotional sex.
You may argue you're just Facebook friends, or you're just innocently flirting and it means nothing.
You become friends with the sexy co-worker and decide to carpool to work together. You're married, or engaged, or you're in a committed relationship. All those tingly feelings and the fantasies that perhaps a "perfect love" can really exist isn't destiny knocking -- they're caused by "love chemicals" in your brain.
You become "friends" with an ex on Facebook and reminisce about the past. You spend hours thinking about them and your heart races whenever you see a text from them. You tell yourself it's ok because you're not really cheating, you're just chatting. Biochemical research has shown that the effect of these love chemicals is twofold: they are released in response to your friend, and they bond you to him or her.
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Only then can you bring stable footing to your relationship and start infusing it with the love, attention, appreciation, and affection you and your partner both deserve.